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26.oct.08 / 12:48am
i miss the ceiling
from my living room floor
and the soundtrack of the time spent within a daydream
i miss having the time to do nothing .
nothing but laugh or nap or read.
to venture into the other worlds whose ground i am intimately familiar with
the seduction of sound and taste and scent .. i am this creature.
yet
lately i have become so busy .. with soul sucking projects at my new place of employment
the delicious saving grace of this place is the hauntingly beautiful soul i have met there.
but the level of stress has dealt my spirit a blow ..
a level of stress i am unaccustomed to
i shall recover no doubt .. and take with me some baubles of wisdom in setting boundaries with those who take and take
with no regard for the other ...
i would imagine this is a common human feature ...
i speak of 'taking'
as much as i speak of the somewhat shaky talent for setting boundaries many of us share.
and,
this time i am hit with an unexpected version of a very ugly weapon.
the taking ...
i see this as only part of my issue
somehow i am allowing this to take place.
am i able to move forward without beheading the taker ?
so undignified, yet perversely delightful in thought at the very least...
ahh, back to the issue at hand
... my well-being has been put on hold.
and i am exhausted. . .
for what i ask? from what?
the inner drama, the continuous semi-conscious, infinite ride on the hamster wheel.
all the private hysteria that storms my vision when i am upset
i cannot see clearly - the stress makes me physically ill
and i have unjustly pointed the dirty musket in my direction.
i vow to myself:: this will change
i don't want the crack to get any wider, any deeper.
it hurts.
my constitution isn't made for this.
my perceptions, my reality, my 'something else', i don't have a word for this - ALL affected ..
to the point where, at times, i also truly believe i am losing my mind.
whatever mind i do possess.
perhaps losing my mind again and again ... is a good thing, a beneficial and necessary ingredient to
a well-lived life ...
i don't know, but i seem to lose this "mind", my mind, often.
.
i long for rest
to lay in the long grass,
to feel the cool breeze whispering through my hair,
caressing my skin
.
love is the only thing i really care about,
and the only thing that really matters to me.
love and the tall grass.
i miss your skin
i miss your neck tonight...
pieces for my mood ::
'melos'/vassilis tsabropoulos
'ending'/devics
....
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